Got a toothbrush?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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