Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
