We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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