Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
