i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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