Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
