I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
