I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
