please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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