so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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