They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
