I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
