Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.