BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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