Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My dick has a subreddit
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
