I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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