dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
