i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
