i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
