I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
sick fucks of a feather flock together
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
