i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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