new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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