i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Who died my cat blue again?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
