I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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