shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
