3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have demons in me.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize