I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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