I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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