shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
