She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
