He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
