Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
