can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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