I wanna bring you to show and tell
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
