Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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