i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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