yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
