they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
