I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I smell stomach acid.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
