Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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