I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
