I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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