she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
