It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
