Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
