she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
