i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
