Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
