They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
