and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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