Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
