Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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