Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize