i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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