i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
