that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
