I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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