Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
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