Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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