Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
