This is not my ceiling
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
