Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
