I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
