Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I should be sponsored by Trojan
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
