I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
