I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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