I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i drank out of a bidet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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