I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
