Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
