i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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