I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
