Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
