I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
