somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
