The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
