so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
