Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
