You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
