No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
