every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
