So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
