Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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