I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
